Daily Lessons from Life 05 June 2011 - Hong Kong's 'tiger parents' face the pressure

"Hong Kong's 'tiger parents' face the pressure - AFP 05 June 2011

HONG KONG - Since Amy Chua published her "Battle Hymn of the Tiger Mother", it has dominated school-gate conversation in Hong Kong, with parents soul-searching over how much they demand of their children.

The American mother's account of her Chinese-influenced, high-pressure parenting sounded more than a little familiar in the fiercely competitive city, where parents say they are also pushed to perform.

OECD rankings generally place Hong Kong above the international average in education standards, and often near the top worldwide, but local universities only take 18 percent of school students.

So as parents climb the ladder in one of the world's most competitive economies, they and their children must also contend with the academic equivalent.

The results? A survey by retail group Plaza Hollywood in April said more than two-thirds of Hong Kong parents placed a higher premium on their child's grades than their health -- though the survey was unclear about its methods.

Local charity the KELY support group's Executive director Chang Tung said that the charity's clients face unprecedented stresses, not confined to those in poverty.

"Parents are really struggling. They work very long hours," he said.

"The majority of parents we speak to love their children. They really want to do the best for them but it's hard for them to find that middle way."

Professor Qian Wang of Hong Kong's Chinese University, who has studied differences between Chinese and Western parenting styles, says that "what's special about Chinese culture in terms of parenting is parents assume a lot of responsibility to make sure their children succeed in the future.

"In the West it is -- let a child be free, have autonomy and feel good about him or herself no matter what.

"In Chinese culture we think parental love is to really care for the child and make sure the child will succeed in the future in society... (but) in Western culture that could be viewed as intrusive."

As different cultural influences come into play, for many parents it is a case of adjusting their expectations."

These parents all used 'we love our kids and we meant well' excuse or reason when they put their kids through all kinds of extra-curricular activities. Of course, the unspoken: follow the Jones or the Chans.

Lessons for me are:

1. the parents must take responsibilties for their kids' education and 'stressful' lives IF the kids are below 16 years old. They MUST be very clear about WHY are they stretching their kids' with ECAs and IF the kids enjoy them or not. Also, they MUST acknowledge that 'we love them and it is for their own good' excuse DOES NOT cut it IF the kids hated the ECAs!!;

2. the parents MUST insist that the kids behave themselves well. Respect and personal responsibilities. The kids MUST have independent thinking and problems solving skills. Beyond that, any extra is considered a bonus!! If the parents can FOCUSED on this, they will be right. There will be 'follow the Jones or the Chans' practice. The kids who hated the ECAs will be grateful and will truly believed that their parents really love them!!;

3. world ranking of educational system. This is a mystery to me really. Even for Singapore where its educational system has consistently being rated one of the top in the world. I still could not figured out WHY we still support a billion dollar private tuition industry. Much like in Hong Kong, Japan, Korea, and Taiwan where similarly booming crammed schools turned out examination smart students who CAN passed very focused and specific examinations of all kinds! You named it, they have tuition classes to help the students aced them! Rote learning or real learning?

Eduational system must produces well balance students who are ladies and gentlemen with independent thinking, problems solving skills and a good heart and fantastic integrity.

That MUST be the aim of educational system. Tiger mums or not!!