"S'pore man with HIV: 'I hope more sufferers will follow my example' - Dec 02, 2014 The New Paper
SINGAPORE - His mother could not stop crying when he told her that he had contracted HIV. For three years, Mr Avin Tan had been fearing this moment. He tells this reporter the fears he had then: "What if she couldn't recover from the shock? What if she kicked me out of the house? Worse, what if she disowned me?"
Adds Mr Tan, visibly affected by this recollection from 2012: "I have heard stories of people who were disowned. I was scared for a long time."
As a manager working in Action for Aids (AFA), the 29-year-old knows of many cases where relationships broke down after people "came out".
AFA is an advocacy group dedicated to fighting HIV and Aids in Singapore.
"In most cases, parents focus on blame. Why did you get it? How did you get it? From who?"
To Mr Tan's relief, his mother's initial response was of concern rather than blame.
He recalls: "I was so thankful when the first thing she asked was if I could cope and if I could afford the medication.
"I mean, she was crying, but I felt a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders."
Mr Tan also had to slowly break the news to his father over a longer period of time as "he has a tendency to blame himself".
But the fear is gone.
Coming out about his condition was the best thing that happened to Mr Tan since he was diagnosed with HIV in 2009.
He has since also come out publicly and is the only living Singaporean to have done so, the first being Mr Paddy Chew who died in 1998.
He has become the face of a disease that is widely talked about but has few patients willing to step forward to spread awareness about it.
Yesterday, Mr Tan was the opening speaker at the ninth Singapore Aids Conference at Tan Tock Seng Hospital.
"I didn't exactly want to be the face of HIV, but I only realised what it meant when people started sending me e-mails about their condition."
Actually I am a bit surprise that this is STILL NEWS in Singapore! I mean, HIV and AIDS have been around for the longest time now since it was first discovered! Yes?
Lessons for me are:
1. I think how you get it is important to at least acknowledged and know. It is about acknowledging that if one engages in high risk behaviours and lifestyle, the chance of 'getting it' is higher. Yes?;
2. regardless of how the HIV-infected person 'got' it, he or she should have ALL the medical help and other help any fellow Singaporean or human being should get. No discount to be given. At this stage, how he or she 'got it' is no longer important. The acknowledging had occurred in item 1 described above already. The patient if you like must get all the medical treatments as would a cancer patient or other seriously ill person;
3. being the FACE of HIV is no easy as the article revealed that there are still a lot of misconception and the unavoidable 'judgement made' on the HIV patients. Honestly the people that need to be bothered are those closest to the HIV patients. If they understand and can rally around the HIV patient, who care about what others say! There will be supporters who are understanding and there will be self-righteous anti-HIV campaigners or fanatics that may even advocate violence, besides discrimination, against HIV patients!
I believe, and I may be wrong, Singapore society is open enough to accept HIV patients as long as they take care of themselves and be vigilant about not transmitting the disease to the ordinary folks that they interact with daily.
With the advance in medical science, HIV is no longer a death sentence. So, all should chill a bit and not be overly worked up over this. Peace to the world!
SINGAPORE - His mother could not stop crying when he told her that he had contracted HIV. For three years, Mr Avin Tan had been fearing this moment. He tells this reporter the fears he had then: "What if she couldn't recover from the shock? What if she kicked me out of the house? Worse, what if she disowned me?"
Adds Mr Tan, visibly affected by this recollection from 2012: "I have heard stories of people who were disowned. I was scared for a long time."
As a manager working in Action for Aids (AFA), the 29-year-old knows of many cases where relationships broke down after people "came out".
AFA is an advocacy group dedicated to fighting HIV and Aids in Singapore.
"In most cases, parents focus on blame. Why did you get it? How did you get it? From who?"
To Mr Tan's relief, his mother's initial response was of concern rather than blame.
He recalls: "I was so thankful when the first thing she asked was if I could cope and if I could afford the medication.
"I mean, she was crying, but I felt a huge weight being lifted off my shoulders."
Mr Tan also had to slowly break the news to his father over a longer period of time as "he has a tendency to blame himself".
But the fear is gone.
Coming out about his condition was the best thing that happened to Mr Tan since he was diagnosed with HIV in 2009.
He has since also come out publicly and is the only living Singaporean to have done so, the first being Mr Paddy Chew who died in 1998.
He has become the face of a disease that is widely talked about but has few patients willing to step forward to spread awareness about it.
Yesterday, Mr Tan was the opening speaker at the ninth Singapore Aids Conference at Tan Tock Seng Hospital.
"I didn't exactly want to be the face of HIV, but I only realised what it meant when people started sending me e-mails about their condition."
Actually I am a bit surprise that this is STILL NEWS in Singapore! I mean, HIV and AIDS have been around for the longest time now since it was first discovered! Yes?
Lessons for me are:
1. I think how you get it is important to at least acknowledged and know. It is about acknowledging that if one engages in high risk behaviours and lifestyle, the chance of 'getting it' is higher. Yes?;
2. regardless of how the HIV-infected person 'got' it, he or she should have ALL the medical help and other help any fellow Singaporean or human being should get. No discount to be given. At this stage, how he or she 'got it' is no longer important. The acknowledging had occurred in item 1 described above already. The patient if you like must get all the medical treatments as would a cancer patient or other seriously ill person;
3. being the FACE of HIV is no easy as the article revealed that there are still a lot of misconception and the unavoidable 'judgement made' on the HIV patients. Honestly the people that need to be bothered are those closest to the HIV patients. If they understand and can rally around the HIV patient, who care about what others say! There will be supporters who are understanding and there will be self-righteous anti-HIV campaigners or fanatics that may even advocate violence, besides discrimination, against HIV patients!
I believe, and I may be wrong, Singapore society is open enough to accept HIV patients as long as they take care of themselves and be vigilant about not transmitting the disease to the ordinary folks that they interact with daily.
With the advance in medical science, HIV is no longer a death sentence. So, all should chill a bit and not be overly worked up over this. Peace to the world!
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