Daily Lessons from Life 04 Novemebr 2014 - My child, my abuser

1. "Aljunied-Hougang-Punggol East Town Council's 'poor performance a grave public concern': MND - AsiaOne 04 November 2014"

Looks like a case of the measured does not really feel that the measurements were the appropriate ones given the 2 'poor performance' areas still touched on the '2012 financial statements' where the 'handing-over and taking-over balances' were 'out of the hands of the receiving party'?

It will be interesting to find out HOW the residents of AJHPE TC rate its performance besides those flagged by the MND's Report!

2. "No 70-year lease for new HDB flats - My Paper Nov 04, 2014"

It is RIGHT the Minister Khaw rejected the 70-year lease HDB flats BUT for the wrong reasons as mine would be:

a. there is NO QUARANTEE the developers and the 'public' end up chasing the price to be the SAME as the current 99-year lease properties BUT ACTUALLY a lot MORE EXPENSIVE if one factored in the difference of 29 years! i.e. 99 years - 70 years = 29 years!!;

b. that IT BECOMES the NORM and the young couples starting a 3-kid family will STILL be staring at highly priced and 'affordable' HDB flat of 70-year lease?

3. "My child, my abuser - The Straits Times  Nov 04, 2014

An elderly widow entrusted the sale of her Housing Board flat to her only child, only to have her daughter pocket the proceeds, dump her mother in hospital and disappear. Three years on, the daughter is still missing. The mother is still alive, with dementia and in a nursing home.

Around a third of close to 100 victims of elder abuse were cheated of their savings or property or harassed for money by family members, according to a new study by Trans Safe Centre, a voluntary welfare agency which specialises in the issue. More than half of the victims were physically abused - beaten up, punched, pushed or scratched - and seven in 10 reported being psychologically abused, facing threats, taunts and insults. Eight in 10 victims were women, usually mothers, while half of the abusers were sons, and a fifth of them, daughters.

The study found that older people are abused not only by caregivers stressed by the burden of providing constant care and financial support. In fact, 30 per cent of the abusers were financially dependent on their elderly victims. Less than a quarter of the victims were financially dependent on the abuser."

A most TRAGIC story. Nobody deserve such a situation BUT a third of close to 100 victims surveyed in this article are living this hellish experience!

Lessons for me are:

1. what could have happened that lead to such a tragic situation? inherent bad relationship? poor upbringing? Or like this report revealed most of the abusers had some kind of mental issues?

If it is the latter, nothing very much can be done except to ensure that the mentally unsound persons get psychiatric counselling and to take the necessary medication regularly, an almost impossible task for many who cared for some of the mentally sick persons!;

2. for those abusers who are mentally sound, how can we help them to kick this 'addiction'? and to 'rescue' the relationship, the abused and the abusers? As long as the abused parties are WILLING and able to sound the alarms, at least help can be forthcoming. It is, as noted in the report, the sense of shame that deterred the abused from telling on their child or children. After all, who would want to own up to fact, and tell total strangers called: 'Social Workers' or close relatives, that their kids are hurting them!?!?

Once this stigma has been overcome, counselling for the abused and abusers, protection order from the abusers, and other appropriate help can be arranged. That may be the 1st step towards reconciliation and resolution of the abuses with noticeable tracked behaviours changes made by the abusers!;

3. for those who cannot be salvaged after sincere and diligent efforts by trained 3rd parties with the abusers and abused, the final painful decision of disowning the kids may be a last resort. Of course, given the emotional burden and baggage, many parents who were abused decide to STICK it up with the abusers as they felt: there are still my flesh and bloods! This is especially heart-wrenching and depressive for mothers to accept! When such indecisiveness occurred, it is just one long and never-ending sob story with repeated vicious cycles until, the most dreadful nightmares become a reality, one party passed on!!

A silent cry we don't want. No more. No more. Please?