Daily Lessons from Life 01 October 2014 - Couple with Down syndrome daughter share their struggles

"Couple with Down syndrome daughter share their struggles - Oct 01, 2014 The New Paper

The couple thought they would have the "perfect" family - a son and daughter.

But Mr Tay Keng Lim and his wife's dream was shattered when the doctor broke the news that Mei Yee, their newborn girl, was suspected of having Down syndrome.

This genetic disorder, which varies in severity, causes lifelong intellectual disability and developmental delays. In some, it causes health problems.

That was in 1993 and it marked the beginning of the couple's distress.

The stress that parents face when caring for their sick children was in the spotlight last week after Rebecca Loh, 32, was sentenced to 10 years in jail for pushing her 11-year-old son to his death.

Loh, a schizophrenic, had wanted to only injure her son, who was stricken with a suite of medical conditions, so he would be taken away from her and get better care."

In the past, many people do not know that kids with special needs when given 'special help' at the earliest possible opportunity CAN make GREAT PROGRESS! Down syndrome is definitely one of them that can be helped and with good effect if help is given early!

Lessons for me are:

1. it is something no one want happened to any parents with a new born baby. YET, when it happened, the decision the parents have to make is monumental! Some might find it easier to give the baby away, and that is understandable. Others, like Mr and Mrs Tay here, decided to keep the baby and deal with helping her to grow as normal as possible;

2. forget about blaming the parents who decided to give their special needs kids away. That is not the point. The focal is on the parents who decided to raise their special needs kids and HOW they have overcome all odds and succeed, no matter how little that may be to others, it meant a lot to the kids and them! As can be seen in this news article, it takes an extraordinary amount of love, patience, RESILIENCE, focus, positive mind-set and behaviours, coupled with LOTS of supports from like-minded people and other professionals to be successful!

The little episode of Mrs Tay losing her handle and slapped Ms Tay is totally understandable. YET. YET, Mrs Tay took control back and apologised and re-focused on helping Ms Tay to grow. The journey is definitely filled with ups and downs. Moments of happiness and moments of utter despair. What is most critical is that there is always a pause, a short break to catch the breath, and RE-FOCUS!

I salute Mr and Mrs Tay. I salute Ms Tay for working hard on her own too as no amount of love will result in anything IF Ms Tay did not pull her weight and do her bit!

3. I don't want to put the reason for this news article on the saga of the Roy and Han's HLP incident where they and their supporters disrupted the performance by the special needs children at the YMCA Charity event recently. In our society, there are such kids and such families. They need help while they strive to help themselves.

Just remember, a civil society is one that will respect each and every unique individual regardless of any natural handicapped. That is the standard by which Singapore citizen should use to measure himself or herself. We can do it ourselves without needing the government to define for us!