Daily Lessons from Life 14 October 2013 - Girl, 4, suffers for a month after thigh fractured by mum's lover

"Girl, 4, suffers for a month after thigh fractured by mum's lover - The New Paper Oct 14, 2013 She knows people will judge her. They may think she is useless, hopeless, even uncaring. But she says she was helpless too. Helpless to stop her boyfriend from stamping on her daughter, four, and breaking the girl's thigh bone. Helpless as he twisted the girl's ankle so much that it caused another fracture. Speaking to The New Paper in her one room rental flat, the petite woman said she was furious when her boyfriend, Mohammad Rudy Madon, 37, flew into a drug-induced violent rage and hit Fiona (not her real name) repeatedly. There were six violent episodes in 2012. Cradling one of her sons, a one-year old boy, she said: "I tried to stop Rudy, but he's bigger and stronger." But the one question she could not or would not answer was why she had not sought medical treatment for Fiona for more than a month despite the poor girl hobbling around in agony. The New Paper asked her this three times. Each time, she remained silent. If it was because she was terrified of her abusive boyfriend, she would not say. But Fiona's childcare centre principal, who finally intervened and took her to hospital, said that the mother seemed to be terrified of Mohammad Rudy. The former army regular is now behind bars, and Fiona is getting better. But the mother is struggling to cope with raising four of her six children, including one-year-old twins, on her own. Its principal said the mother had told her that she was afraid of Mohammad Rudy because he used to beat her and her child. When he found out what the principal had done, he was fearful his crime would be discovered. Fiona was taken to hospital and a police report was made. Her abuser was arrested." It is easy for us to judge the mother in this case. Very easy actually as it is CLEARLY wrong NOT to report her love's brutal act to the police and protect her children. YET, an action that is SO SO clear in most normal living person is NOT NORMAL for a person in her situation! Lessons for me are: 1. fear paralysed! Most of us do not experienced paralysing fear. Yet, if we talk to the psychologists and psychiatrists, such phenomenon is real!; 2. I do not know the circumstances behind this mother and how she become entangled with this monster lover. What is her normal intellectual capacity? what is her background? what kind of circumstances had she being through and how she comes to have 6 kids to be looked after by herself? etc. Is it possible that she is ONE of the few who truly was 'paralysed by fear'? This will be the simple answer to the question that was asked thrice but got no answer: "Why did you not seek treatment for the kid afterward even if you could not stop the violence and abuses at the time?"; 3. it will, truly, take a lot of help to get this mother to be independently minded and free from fear. Will she be responsive - able to or not? - is a big question mark. Suffice to say that to depend on the concerned parties to make the decision to report the abuses and the abusers will be UNREALISTIC or being overly naive and optimistic. Only when 'busy body' do-gooders like the centre's principal who saw that something is not right and intervened can such cases be uncovered. The do-gooder MUST take the risk that it might be a wrong accusation as the kid might have truly hurt himself or herself through accidents. IF such 'wrongful accusation' happened, just be sure that if there is no malicious intention, the police and the laws should be lenient and understanding. I rather we have 'investigated and cleared as misunderstanding' cases than to have 'regrets that nothing was done when suspicious circumstances were noted previously'! p/s: It seems like the Family Abuses incidents are on the rise or just that they were reported more these days?