Daily Lessons from Life 11 July 2013 - S'pore woman reveals: 'I was hit for 8 years'

"S'pore woman reveals: 'I was hit for 8 years' - Razor TV 11 July 2013 SINGAPORE - Looking at Ms Rachel Chung, one would never think that she was a victim of domestic violence. But the vivacious and outspoken 37-year-old communications manager had suffered for 8 years at the hands of her ex-husband. She was verbally and physically abused by her ex-husband for gaining weight after childbirth. "I think from the beginning there were no warning sign," said Ms Chung. "And I think it didn't help that he also lost his job during that period of time. "He'd say things like 'When I knew you, you were a size 8, then now you are 16. I didn't sign up for twice the woman that you are.' "Or he'd say things like 'Oh, it's because of you that I lost my job, maybe you're not good for me, in terms of fengshui or bazi,'" said Ms Chung, grimacing at the memory. She said she tried reasoning with him, but it wasn't getting through, to the point that she just gave up. Ignoring her ex-husband's jibes just seemed to make him bolder. The abuse got worse and he would shove, punch and kick her whenever they got into arguments. But she endured the pain because she did not want to "rock the boat" and break up her family. However, she said the psychological damage he inflicted was more hurtful than the physical abuse. The last straw came in 2006 when Ms Chung's then 8-year-old daughter witnessed her being hit." This is NOT the 1s time we read of such stories. There are Male and female abusers as well as victims. The lessons for me are: 1. you SIMPLY MUST leave the abuser IMMEDIATELY when he/she gets physical and psychologically abusive! Alright, give him/her 3 chances. 3 strikes and he/she is OUT. You simply has to 'JUST DO IT!' and get out from the relationship. It is easier said than done as you will be very emotional and holding out for one last hope. Well, that 'one last hop' IS the 3rd CHANCE you give him/her. Remind yourself of this rule. Ask someone to kick you when the 3rd chance has come and gone!; 2. Let the professional medical people take care of the abusers. Let the psychologists and psychiatrists take care of the abusers. IF they respond, they can come back to you if you are willing. STILL, the '3-strike-and-you-are-out' rule applies. Any relapse means back to the medical care he/she needs. Again, simple rules. Keep at it; 3. for those with kids, IF you ACT early and decisively, you will SAVE your kids the traumas of witnessing 'spousal abuses' at first hand and for a much shorter exposure. It is as much about you - the abused - and your kids. If you are fickleminded and cannot stick to the '3-strike-and-you-are-out' rule, you are doing a great disservice to yourself and your kids. Bear that in mind. A BIGGER responsibility than just 'I hope or I think he/she will change!' Stop spousal abuses. DO IT decisively for yourself and your kids, if any!