Daily Lessons from Life 26 November 2010 - Dad turned in teen 'for his future'

"Fri, Nov 26, 2010 The New Paper - Dad turned in teen 'for his future'

YOU are a parent. Your love for your child knows no bounds - even more so if he is your only child.

So what do you do when you suspect he has strayed and broken the law?

Familial protective instincts weighing against doing what's right has been raised in the light of news that terrorist Mas Selamat's niece, brother and sister-in-law had helped shelter the fugitive on Feb 29, 2008.

One dad faced a similar dilemma three years ago. One night in May 2007, his son, then 16, came home with a stab wound on his thigh. The boy's clothes were stained with blood and his shoes were caked in mud.

The father feared the worst: Was his son was involved in something bad? But the teen remained stubbornly silent under questioning from his dad.

Recalling his struggle then, the father, 50, a delivery driver, told The New Paper: 'I went outside the flat to cool down. 'I paced up and down the void deck for two hours as I tried to figure out what I should do. I was quite sure he was in some trouble.''I TURNED him in eventually!"

A good story as the son turned out well after the reformative sentence according to the father and mother. There were other similar 'tough love' stories in this news reporting.

Lessons for me are:

1. when things are going swell in a family, great and good. That's how a happy family should be. Things going swell. Sharing done without reserve. Laugh and cry together. One for all and all for one. That's easy to do when things are going swell!;

2. when things are NOT going swell, a strong family pulled together. The incident shared above probably has its root cause planted at least a few months earlier. Even if it was negligence that led to the unfortunate event, when the truth is learned, the parents have to battle the emotional struggle as described here and make the right decision. If the kids had done something illegal, wrong, committed a crime, they had to be turned in. The sooner you make that decision, the easier it is. Any delay will likely increase the chance of showing 'soft love and rationale it away as it only happened once!';

3. after the tough decision was made, it is easier to start the reconciliation later. Easier is relative of course. I said it is 'easier' as I come from the angle that: 'you did something wrong, you have to take responsibility for the consequence. You have lived through the consequence, what do you want to do next after reconciling your own Emotional and Rational struggle!!'. Procrastination is delaying the long term benefits for instant gratification! You have to decide for yourself.

May tough love prevail and that parents who practiced it has the assistance to facilitate reconciliation with the kids they turned in. May the kids have the wisdom to see the good their parents had done after they served out their sentences and took responsiblity for their past errant behaviors.