Daily Lessons from Life 04 July 2009

"Sat, Jul 04, 2009 The New Paper - She turns teenage son over to cops

SHE put herself through seven years of costly in-vitro fertilisation (IVF) treatment before she finally conceived. But, 16 years later, she did the most painful thing a mother could ever do - report her beloved son to the police.


Her son, Edwin Tan Zhen Hao, now 17, had stolen from her.

Court documents revealed that at about 10pm on 20 Apr, Madam Teo Choo Bee returned home from work and found the master bedroom ransacked. She discovered about $1,400 worth of jewellery and other items missing from her bedroom. 'I knew that my son stole it, but I gave him a chance, hoping that he would confess. But he denied stealing from me.'


Broken-hearted, Madam Teo lodged a police report at Tampines Neighbourhood Police Centre two days later. 'He confessed to the police only after I called them,' Madam Teo said in an earlier interview. The police arrested the teenager at his home on 28Apr.

Madam Teo said that she had wanted to give him another chance when he showed remorse after his arrest, but decided against forgiving him when she learnt that he had chalked up a debt of more than $1,000 in soccer bets.


The revelation was devastating because of what she went through to conceive him.

She said: 'By nature, my son is not bad. He always scored 80 marks and above in primary school. He was just a little lazy and loved to play. 'He started changing after befriending three friends outside. He began playing truant and stayed away from home. He wouldn't even answer our calls.'


Madam Teo added that she'd rather her son be angry with her now than have him grow up and blame her for not thinking of a way to help him.

In delivering his judgment on 12 Jun, District Judge Roy Grenville Neighbour said: 'The fact that (Edwin) stole from his mother shows that he has taken his parents for granted and has no respect for them. 'He continues to play truant, misbehave and lacks focus in his studies. His parents, though supportive of (him), have exhausted all possible means of helping him.'


He noted that Edwin's parents have said that they are unable to manage their son, and that he frequently lied to them.

Pre-sentencing reports called for by the judge found that Edwin was unsuitable for probation.
So Judge Neighbour upheld the earlier sentence of reformative training.


He said: 'The specialised treatment programmes at the reformative training centre will focus on and address (his) criminal inclinations and thinking. It will focus on his gambling habits.' Edwin could have been jailed seven years."

A sad story and a heart-breaking tale of the mother who went through a lot of pains to give birth to this son!

Lessons for me are:

1. we give life to a baby not knowing what will become of it in 10- or 15- or 20-year time! We all surely will try to do our best to care for it and nurture the child the best we could. Still, that does not guarantee anything!;

2. it is difficult to make the decision of admitting you have lost control of the kid as it indirectly meant: incompetent parents! A hard fact to stare down really. Especially if we firmly believed we have done all those could possibly being done to guide and education and nurture the kid!;

3. it takes a lot of courage to turn the son over to the police. With his best interest in mind and to seek help for me when the parents no longer can offer any! Yes. Short term pains will result. The boy will probably hate the parents for turning him over. Yet, the mother is right in that it is better this and not able to offer any help much later!!

I salute the mother for her tough love no matter what the reasons were for the son to be in such a stage. I wish the son well and that he will become the prodigal son that become good.

At 17 years old, there is still a life time of good possibilities for him!