Daily Lesson from Life 20 April 2009

"Mon, Apr 20, 2009 AsiaOne - Scholar is a loan shark target and credit card slave

He is a scholar who graduated with first class honours. But John (not his real name) is also the target of loan sharks and a credit card slave.

Local Chinese evening daily Lianhe Wanbao reported that John, who is in his 20s, received his scholarship from a large organization and graduated from a local university last year. Now, he earns more than $3000 a month.


However, what would have been a comfortable pay check proved inadequate for John, whose mother had racked up some $100,000 in gambling debts. He had already repaid S$70k.

According to Lianhe Wanbao, all of John's salary had gone into repaying the loan sharks and credit card bills.

Now, the promising young man has become the target of illegal moneylenders and the recipient of lawyer's letters from the bank demanding repayment for his credit card debts.


John's father, Mr Zhang, said that the scholar's mother was a compulsive gambler who would have a wager in any game, and never attempted to kick her habit of 30 years. Mr Zhang told the Chinese newspaper that he divorced John's mother a few years ago because of her addiction to gambling.

However, the father and son duo took her into their home after the divorce as she had no place to stay. They never expected the loan sharks to come knocking on their door as well.

"John decided to help his mother pay her debts as he could not bear to leave her in the lurch."

"Saddled with increasing credit card debts and another $30,000 he still owes the loan sharks, John is unable to keep up with the payments anymore. "I feel terrible seeing him struggling like this."

But what angers Mr Zhang most is that his ex-wife is unrepentant. He said that it was bad enough that his ex-wife had dragged their son into this mess, but what made it worse was that she is still addicted to gambling and is seemingly unconcerned about John's predicament."

Life drama in full display. To help the addictive mother pay off her gambling debt is soft love or indulgence. As a grown adult with no need to take responsibilities, I am sure she has no incentive nor motivation to change. Being filial vs. to show tough love and let her find ways to pay her remaining debt will be hard for John to choose.

Lessons for me are:

1. adults, when they do not have to face the consequence of their actions, will have no incentive to change;

2. making tough choices required clear mind and ability to separate emotion from rationality. Soft love is an expression of emotion. Tough love is an expression of rational thinking. Tough love will work as there is nothing much the loan sharks can do to a penniless old lady. The worst case is the mother may commit suicide or being forced into prostitution by the loan sharks! Probability of either happening is low though not zero!;

3. the laws must protect the innocent. The loan sharks must be prevented from harassing John as he is NOT the one who took the loan! Of course, the loan sharks will target John as he is the one paying the debt. That is why the police must have a way to stop the loan sharks from harassing John.

To the gambling addictive mother of John, I hope you will somehow wake up and help your filial son lead a better life that he deserved. May fate has mercy on you. Good luck.