Daily Lesson from Life 03 April 2009

Today is a humbling day for me as I met a potential client and was turned down. Such is life and rejection still bring a bit of discomfort to me. I need to work on it smarter and be more gracious in such situation. ;-))


"Fri, Apr 03, 2009 AsiaOne - Teen ran away from home 9 times in two years

There have been an increasing number of cases of runaway teens in recent years, according to a report in the Lianhe Wanbao.

15-year-old Joey (not her real name), was one of them. She starting running away from home two years ago, and has left home up to nine times, staying away for days at a stretch, once up to half a month.

According to Joey, her father works as an engineer and her mother is a teacher. She has a younger sister who is a year younger than her.


However, her family life was not as perfect as it seemed. Joey said her mother had very high expectations of her, and wanted her to always be among the top three students in class.

"Even if I was fifth in class, my mother wasn't happy. She caned me everyday to make me work harder and improve. At the time, I felt she didn't love me at all."


Joey began to rebel when she was in Secondary one. She remembered the first time she ran away from home, she wanted her mother to be worried and scared, in hopes that it would make her "realise her mistakes".

"The first time I ran away, I stayed out for two days. When I returned, my mother didn't scold me. She even said she would reflect upon her actions and make me happy. However after a short while, she returned to her old ways."


Joey revealed that she had "six or seven" boyfriends in the past two years, and she has stayed at each of their homes when she ran away, depending on them for her meals. Joey maintained she did not have a sexual relationship with any of them.

Joey eventually got arrested by the police for getting involved in a fight. Her parents refused to bail her out of the police station, which increased her hatred for her mother.


Her parents eventually filed a Beyond Parental Control complaint against Joey.

Joey spent a month at the home. Her time there made her realise the importance of family, and her parents' good intentions.


Joey said: "Now, when my mum scolds me, although I still harbour thoughts of running away, I stop myself and speak to my counsellor instead."

Her counsellor, Ms Chua, said she counsels Joey fortnightly, and also speaks with her parents. Ms Chua says her mother is no longer as strict with Joey, and both sides are working to repair their relationship.


Ms Chua says she is seeing more cases of teen runaways in recent years. She feels that parents should spend more time with their children and learn to communicate more openly with each other."

We have to go to school to learn about maths, science, history, etc. We have to get interviewed and screened before getting employment. Yet, anyone can just get married and produce kids and take on one of the most important roles in life of being a parent! Is there any wonder that we are having poor parents-children relationship?

Lessons for me:

1. there is really a need for parenting skills when couple get married! Make it compulsory. For those that became unwed parents, free classes must be provided by the government. This is assuming the numbers are not so large that it will burden the nation's budget!;

2. parents need to know that their best intention for their kids may not be well understood due to inability to express or explain or share it. Maybe it is due to the approach, or the tone or the body language, or whatever. Parents need to reflect on if what they want is good for the kids then why are the kids rebelling? There must be some reasons. Some of which are due to misunderstanding by both parties!;

3. parents also need to realize that what the society expect may not necessarily what we must expect from our kids. Each has different talent and capabilities. Each has their own growth path and at their own pace. We simply have to be patient and understanding and be able to enter into meaningful 2-way conversation with our kids. They have their own logic and thoughts and may need a bit of help to integrate and align with ours, or more importantly, the 'proper' context.

May Joey and her mum find the balance and harmony they seek.