Daily Lesson from Life 11 March 2009

"Thu, Mar 12, 2009 AsiaOne

He only ever loved one woman


The last words of the Singapore Armed Forces Doctor who was found dead in Australia last Tuesday have finally been revealed, reported Shin Min Daily News.

In the final note to his loved ones, one poignant point stood out - Captain(Dr) Allan Ooi, 28, had been deeply hurt by the woman he loved most.


He said: "Although I had a few flings, I only loved (and still love) one woman. "This failed relationship has hurt me in many ways and has caused me to hurt others in return. "I would like to apologise for the people I hurt.

"To my best friend - The betrayal you made was only that small. Why did we stop talking after that? I really do treasure the friendship that we have."


Dr Ooi, who was cremated yesterday, had e-mailed his last words to a select group of friends he cherished, reported the newspaper.

He had disappeared for months, including having gone AWOL (absent without official leave) from the army since October last year.


His note, which was sent on 12.29am on the day of his death, has been posted on several websites.

Apart from talking about his lost love, Dr Ooi also voiced his unhappiness at work. He said: "I am not depressed, and never have been. I was, however, intensely unhappy at the point of my departure from home, family and friends.

"My job was terrible - no joy, no satisfaction, 10-14 hours a day of nothing. A prison. One of my own forging, perhaps, by signing a contract with SAF at the age of 18."


In his closing words on the note, Dr Ooi said that his suicide was one of the solutions to his pain. He said: "Maybe my (suicide) is a silly move, but I think that this is one solution.

"I do not believe in reincarnation or God, death should be the final end point." "

A very sad story to share as the young doctor came from a family of doctors and lawyer. A young man who is good at sports and in study. A promising young man that could have contributed much and should have a long, happy, and productive life helping himself, his loved ones, and those who are less fortunate than him. Alas, it went badly awry!

This contracted with the indomitable spirit to want to live of the 'limbless man' who inspired; that I featured in yesterday blog!! If only he had seen the video? If only if he had some help earlier?

Lessons for me:

1. life is not a bed of roses. There will be the ups and downs. As long as we are alive, we still have the chance to make good. This must be the fundamental belief we hold dear in the good time so that it prepared us for the bad time!;

2. it always hurt to see bright young and promising life come to a pre-mature end. However, if help were not available or not recognized earlier, there is no need to beat yourself up too badly. Don't take the blame and feel guilty about not able to spot that suicidal tendency. Sometimes, it just come not be spotted!;

3. for those who live on, cherished the good time you had with the deceased. That should be the memory and not the painful one. You need to live on and look for areas to contribute positively instead of wallowing in self-guilt.

4. having a bad job can send people to the extreme. While many would have suggested that the bond could be broken since the family is fairly wealthy. Why choose suicide? We never know. I, however, do know that when one is confused, the obvious solution is not apparent. So, no point asking why did he not do this or that!!

May all those who are in relationship troubles, have the sense to see the need for help before it become too cloudy or murky or confused to help!