Daily Lesson from Life 02 February 2009

"Mon, Feb 02, 2009 The Straits Times - Joy to you and me

Take a straw poll among passers-by about what happiness is and you are likely to get varied answers.
Some will say that having loving friends and family is tops. Others derive happiness from having a good job and a steady income. Student Melissa Tang, 19, who rated herself an eight out of 10 on the happiness scale, said: 'I'm just happy by nature. Also, my friends always joke with me.'

With the festive season just over, more Singaporeans will be facing the reality of the economic downturn head on. In light of such grim times, happiness could become a more precious commodity than ever before.

'I view joy as a natural state of being that occurs when we are being authentic in accepting reality and living fully in the present' said Mr Kenny Toh, a professional life coach and member of the International Coaching Federation.

Psychotherapist Stephen Lew at the Positive Psychology Centre said that many people do not know how to take stock of their own happiness. 'Our society tends to encourage cynicism and people know how to complain more than they know how to be happy,' he said. Citing some principles of positive psychology, he said that the path to happiness involves pleasure, engagement and meaning.

While we hold on to the romantic notion that happiness is a heart full of joy, medical science tells us that it all comes from the brain. The frontal lobes and the limbic system in the brain have been demonstrated to influence emotions, said Dr Nagaendran Kandiah, an associate consultant with the neurology department at the National Neuroscience Institute. Scans on the brains of depressed people, he said, showed lower levels of frontal lobe activity than in normal, or happy, people.

Dr Adrian Wang, a psychiatrist in private practice, said that happy people are healthier people too. 'They are more effective at their jobs, more able to sustain healthy relationships, and may even be physically healthier,' he said. As an example, he cited a report from the Carnegie Mellon University that showed how happy test subjects were more resistant to cold and flu viruses than people with more negative attitudes. Feelings of happiness, he added, can have a knock-on effect, leading people to other positive activities like opening up to others and exercising. Conversely, depressed people are more likely to fall ill or succumb to serious illnesses.

'It boils down to thinking and coping strategies. Happy people are able to problem-solve instead of dwelling on the negatives,' he said"

I quoted extensively tonight as I feel it is a good thing to share the key points on the arts and science of Happiness!

Lessons for me are:

1. develop a positive mindset about life by reflecting on things like: what is done cannot be undone, take actions to correct mistakes instead of lamenting about what could have or should have been!, move forward instead of backward, talk positively into the mirror each morning when you get up and wash your face!, etc;

2. remind yourself of the positive mindset you developed regularly. Be aware that when we move forward and try to correct mistakes, there is still a chance that we may fail. So failing after trying is ok! But reckless and thoughtless trying is a waste of time!;

3. surround yourself with people with positive mindset. If you have friends who are constantly complaining about how life shucks and unfair and blah blah blah, try to influence them into developing positive mindset the way you are doing. However, if they are not responsive after your earnest attempts, remember to let them be and move on with your own life! It is not betrayal as ultimately everyone has the right to choose how they like to live their life. Just that they have to face the consequence too!

Don't worry, be happy! It does not just happened, we need to develop that mentality and that happy habit and behaviors!! ;-))