A serious topic to comment on. Forget about the circus that is: Donald vs. Trump vs. Hillary! The unpredictable antics of President Duterte except his deep seeded dislike for the oppressive 'ally' USA all these years. Forget even about the shrinking total employment though, supposedly, the unemployment rate remains!
"At teen suicide forum, parents asked to ‘talk less, listen more’ - CNA 27 Oct 2016
SINGAPORE: A child who acts up could be showing signs of delinquency - or of suicidal depression. So, are parents right to respond to misbehaviour with “tough love”?
Posed this quandary, Dr Ong Lue Ping, the Institute of Mental Health’s principal clinical psychologist, said: “Tough love is still love… A lot of times we find that it’s not really the method that makes a difference. It’s really the relationship.
“If the relationship is strong, even if it’s tough love, the child may see it as my parents having concern for me - but if the relationship is negative to start off, then the tough love may have negative impact.”
This question was raised at a Talking Point forum held at *SCAPE on Monday (Oct 24), just days after the State Coroner ruled on the suicide of an 11-year-old boy who had killed himself in May after failing his exams. The court heard that the boy’s mother would cane him “lightly” on his palm whenever he scored less than 70 marks in exams.
The case was fresh on the minds of audience participants during the candid, sometimes poignant discussion about teen suicide with the panelists - who included Dr Ong, celebrity Irene Ang and Mr Chow Yen-Lu, a father who lost his son to suicide."
When someone committed suicide, young or old, some 'strong' people said they were weak! Some said they were 'stupid'. Some said: 'if they had the courage to kill themselves why don't they have the courage to stay alive and try to solve whatever issues/problems they have?', etc. etc.
For me, when someone committed suicide, it must be desperation or 'loss at that precise moment'. It is not for anyone to judge. What is needed is to understand and try to spot the tendency and to prevent.
Great to learn that Ms Irene Ang shared that she had tried to commit suicide thrice! The 1st time when she was mere 15 years old! She, and only she is qualified to say: 'if I have the courage to commit suicide, why don't I have the courage to stay alive and solve my problems!' as she survived it!
Mr Chow is courageous and found peace to share about his, and his wife, pains of losing their son at 26 years old. The young man suffered from maniac depression when younger. Got help and recovered. Then relapse and eventually took his life while studying in Australia. Mr Chow spoke about how to cope with the tragedy and recover. Courageous acts. When done with a committed spouse, makes it easier.
Stress. Pressure. From school work. From relationship. There are so many sources of stress these days. On the young as well as the older and old.
For the teen, if they can confide in their parents, it would be the best starting place! At the same time, not many parents are equipped to deal with emotional issues. Many are stressed adults coping with their work, relationship, etc. already.
It is a bit like the research on 'if parents know how to interact with their autistic child/children EARLY', the autistic child/children' behaviours are actually better developed. Same here for parents with the skills to listen to their worried kids' concerns WITHOUT JUDGMENT and focusing on helping instead of blaming, their kids will have a higher chance of recovering from temporary depression and from contemplating suicidal thoughts.
There are much to learn. May parents who need that skills be opened to them, learn and practise them diligently. In fact, good effective listening is a life skill that is useful not in this extreme case. It is useful in general to build trusting, loving, happy and productive work and personal life!
"At teen suicide forum, parents asked to ‘talk less, listen more’ - CNA 27 Oct 2016
SINGAPORE: A child who acts up could be showing signs of delinquency - or of suicidal depression. So, are parents right to respond to misbehaviour with “tough love”?
Posed this quandary, Dr Ong Lue Ping, the Institute of Mental Health’s principal clinical psychologist, said: “Tough love is still love… A lot of times we find that it’s not really the method that makes a difference. It’s really the relationship.
“If the relationship is strong, even if it’s tough love, the child may see it as my parents having concern for me - but if the relationship is negative to start off, then the tough love may have negative impact.”
This question was raised at a Talking Point forum held at *SCAPE on Monday (Oct 24), just days after the State Coroner ruled on the suicide of an 11-year-old boy who had killed himself in May after failing his exams. The court heard that the boy’s mother would cane him “lightly” on his palm whenever he scored less than 70 marks in exams.
The case was fresh on the minds of audience participants during the candid, sometimes poignant discussion about teen suicide with the panelists - who included Dr Ong, celebrity Irene Ang and Mr Chow Yen-Lu, a father who lost his son to suicide."
When someone committed suicide, young or old, some 'strong' people said they were weak! Some said they were 'stupid'. Some said: 'if they had the courage to kill themselves why don't they have the courage to stay alive and try to solve whatever issues/problems they have?', etc. etc.
For me, when someone committed suicide, it must be desperation or 'loss at that precise moment'. It is not for anyone to judge. What is needed is to understand and try to spot the tendency and to prevent.
Great to learn that Ms Irene Ang shared that she had tried to commit suicide thrice! The 1st time when she was mere 15 years old! She, and only she is qualified to say: 'if I have the courage to commit suicide, why don't I have the courage to stay alive and solve my problems!' as she survived it!
Mr Chow is courageous and found peace to share about his, and his wife, pains of losing their son at 26 years old. The young man suffered from maniac depression when younger. Got help and recovered. Then relapse and eventually took his life while studying in Australia. Mr Chow spoke about how to cope with the tragedy and recover. Courageous acts. When done with a committed spouse, makes it easier.
Stress. Pressure. From school work. From relationship. There are so many sources of stress these days. On the young as well as the older and old.
For the teen, if they can confide in their parents, it would be the best starting place! At the same time, not many parents are equipped to deal with emotional issues. Many are stressed adults coping with their work, relationship, etc. already.
It is a bit like the research on 'if parents know how to interact with their autistic child/children EARLY', the autistic child/children' behaviours are actually better developed. Same here for parents with the skills to listen to their worried kids' concerns WITHOUT JUDGMENT and focusing on helping instead of blaming, their kids will have a higher chance of recovering from temporary depression and from contemplating suicidal thoughts.
There are much to learn. May parents who need that skills be opened to them, learn and practise them diligently. In fact, good effective listening is a life skill that is useful not in this extreme case. It is useful in general to build trusting, loving, happy and productive work and personal life!
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